Trust Me Read online

  Contents

  Cover

  About the Book

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Read on for the first three chapters of DEAD GORGEOUS ...

  About the Author

  Also by Malorie Blackman

  Praise for Malorie Blackman

  Copyright

  About the Book

  Seventeen-year-old Jayna wishes she could spend every second of the day with Andrew. He’s her first love, and he understands her like nobody else can. Jayna just wishes Andrew’s prejudiced family could accept her – but when they’re alone together, it hardly seems to matter.

  But something strange has happened to Andrew. He looks . . . different. Pale and drawn, as if he hasn’t been outside for days, with mysteriously cold green eyes. He won’t go out in the sunlight, and he’s unnaturally fast and strong. And now he wants Jayna to join him.

  Now she has to make the choice: to lose Andrew forever, or to be with him always – no matter the cost.

  To Neil and Lizzy, with love, as always

  1

  ‘MUM, I’M NOT a baby any more. Why’re you turning this into a drama?’

  ‘Jayna, I won’t allow it.’ Mum’s lips thinned with prudish rage. She marched up and down in front of me, wearing a trough in our mid-grey living-room carpet.

  I glared at her. How many days had I spent rehearsing exactly how and when to tell Mum that Andrew and I wanted to go on holiday together? The hours spent in front of my bedroom mirror practising the right words, the diffident tone, the conciliatory look – all a complete waste of time. I’d started off by saying the wrong thing in the wrong way and we’d gone downhill from there.

  I took a deep breath and tried again. ‘Mum, I’m seventeen, not seven. And I’m eighteen in a couple of months. I can look after myself. And apart from anything else, you can’t stop me,’ I said.

  That came out wrong too.

  ‘While you live under my roof you’ll do as I say,’ she stormed.

  And, of course, that did it! I’d lost count of the number of times I’d heard the ‘under my roof’ threat.

  ‘If I had any sense, I’d be out of here in a second. All you do is nag and criticize and—’

  ‘Don’t talk to me like that, Jayna.’

  ‘But it’s all right for you to yell and dictate to me? You’re always trying to run my life. Run my life? Ruin it, more like.’

  ‘You’re being ridiculous. You know that’s not—’

  I didn’t let her finish. ‘You don’t trust me enough—’

  Now it was Mum’s turn to interrupt. ‘Listen, Jayna Lucas, I’ve lived longer than you and I’ve had more experiences – good and not so good. All I’m trying to do is stop you from making the same mistakes I made.’

  ‘How is going on holiday with Andrew a mistake?’

  Mum wasn’t even trying to understand. ‘You’re too young,’ she replied at once. ‘You and Andrew are only seventeen and you expect to go on holiday together? Alone?’

  ‘Andy is eighteen already.’

  ‘That’s still too young,’ Mum snapped.

  ‘How come I’m old enough to work and pay taxes and get married and have children, but I’m not old enough to go on holiday for three lousy weeks?’

  ‘Because I said so. Besides, you couldn’t get married without my permission.’ Mum warded off my interruption by showing me her palm. ‘And I don’t want to hear a damned word about Gretna Green!’

  Like I’d travel all the way to Scotland to get married when all I had to do was wait a couple of months until I could legally get married in England, and then there wouldn’t be a single thing Mum could do to stop me.

  ‘Mum, if you’d just listen,’ I tried again. ‘Andrew and I have saved up enough money between us, we’ve worked out an exact route, we know which hotels we’ll be staying at – and we know where all the British embassies are should we run into any problems. I’ll write our whole itinerary down for you so you’ll know where we are every day. We’re being responsible.’ I threw Mum’s favourite word back at her.

  Mistake!

  ‘Was it responsible to wait till now to tell me! You swan in here, tell me you’re going abroad with Andrew this weekend and I’m supposed to like it?’ Mum ranted. ‘Mind you, I should be grateful you told me at all. Knowing you, I’m surprised you didn’t just head off with Andrew and send me a postcard afterwards telling me where you were and what you’d done.’

  ‘Well, if you’re going to joke about it . . .’

  ‘Do you see me laughing?’ Mum asked stonily.

  No, I didn’t. There wasn’t the trace of a smile on her face. Damn it, all I wanted was to be with my boyfriend. Was that asking so much? It was beginning to look like Mission Impossible.

  ‘Mum, please . . . Look, I’m sorry. I know I should have told you before now, but . . . well, I didn’t.’ Even I could hear how feeble that sounded!

  ‘And I suppose the idea is that now it’s too late for me to stop you?’ Mum said. Exasperation hardened her voice and lines of discontent creased her face. ‘Jayna, why are you in such a hurry to grow up?’

  ‘I am grown up, Mum. That’s what you won’t understand. This isn’t fair. When you were my age you were independent. You were pregnant with me—’

  ‘I was married to your father first – God rest his soul,’ she retorted. ‘And, yes, I was pregnant with you, but I was still too young. I didn’t know anything.’

  ‘The point is, you were making your own decisions, doing your own thing. You still want me to be your little girl so you can tell me exactly what to do all the time. Well, I’m not Teegan, you know. You can’t tell me how to run my life—’

  ‘Don’t bring me into it,’ my little sister protested.

  Mum and I spoke in unison.

  ‘Stay out of this, Teegan.’

  ‘Butt out, you scabby turd.’

  Teegan folded her arms across her chest and looked sulky. I gifted my sister with the original look that had turned vinegar sour. At twelve years old, she was a master of the sweet, innocent ‘snowflakes wouldn’t melt in my mouth’ expression. With huge brown eyes set in an oval face and short, curly black hair, she was already gorgeous, and her looks just kept getting better. Teegan was tall and slender and it was obvious that in a few years she’d be a knock-down, knockout beauty. She made me sick!

  I turned back to Mum, dismissing Teegan with a scornful flick of my eyelashes. ‘You’re not being fair . . .’

  ‘Fair?’ Mum said the word like it was a sloe in her mouth. ‘You’r
e a fine one to talk. All year I’ve been talking about the three of us going on holiday together. You wait till everything is arranged – the hotel rooms booked, the train tickets paid for – and then tell me that you’re going on holiday with Andrew instead.’

  ‘But the last week of our holiday overlaps with the first week of yours. So what am I supposed to do? Tell me how I can be in two places at once and I’ll do it gladly. I was hoping I’d be able to go on holiday with both Andrew and you and Teegan, but then you went and changed your dates. You’re being totally unreasonable.’

  Lips pinched together, Mum stopped pacing for the first time that evening. She looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time. I tried not to visibly squirm under her dissecting glare.

  ‘Jayna, you didn’t even ask me if you could go on holiday with Andrew. You just told me. And only now.’

  ‘If I’d asked you, would you have had said yes?’ I asked, already knowing the answer.

  ‘Of course not.’

  ‘Exactly! That’s precisely why I didn’t ask you. Because I knew you wouldn’t approve.’

  ‘Jayna, you’re seventeen. You don’t know everything, even if you think you do.’

  ‘I’m not talking about knowing everything. I’m not applying for Mensa membership. All I want to do is go on holiday with Andrew for three tiny weeks. I bet if it was Teegan you’d let her go. Nothing she does is ever wrong.’

  ‘Now wait just a minute—’ Teegan leaped out of her chair.

  ‘No. If you wanted to go on holiday with the entire Reggae Philharmonic Orchestra, Mum would let you.’ I didn’t even try to disguise my dislike as I frowned at my sister. ‘We both know that you’re Mum’s favourite—’

  ‘Jayna, don’t talk such rubbish,’ Mum snapped.

  ‘Yeah, Jayna, you know that’s not true.’

  ‘Yes it is, and what’s more—’

  I didn’t get very far. ‘This is getting us nowhere,’ Mum said. ‘Jayna, once and for all, are you going to tell Andrew that you’re not going on holiday with him?’

  Mum and I regarded each other. The tension-filled air hung like a curtain between us, thick, heavy, impenetrable. I hated this. It was like being torn in two. Of course I wanted to be with Mum and Teegan, but the truth was, I wanted to be with my boyfriend more. It was my own fault. Mum was right; I had put off telling her about my proposed holiday plans with Andrew. For months I’d listened to her talk about our family trip to the Lake District and never said a word about my alternate plans. Even when I knew that she’d changed her holiday dates and I wouldn’t be able to go with them, I still hadn’t spoken up. It’s just that I hated confrontations.

  ‘I can’t do that, Mum. Andrew and I have spent the money now. Everything’s booked.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘But as soon as I get some spare money, I’ll pay you back for my train ticket, I promise.’

  ‘That’s not what this is about and you know it,’ Mum said quietly.

  The tension in the room thickened. We both knew this had little to do with the train tickets or booked hotel rooms or anything else. Going on holiday with Andrew would mean being alone with my boyfriend for the first time. That’s what Mum couldn’t handle. I could guess the sort of thoughts racing through her head. My face began to burn.

  ‘Why don’t you just come right out and say what’s really on your mind?’ I challenged.

  Mum looked at me. Seconds ticked by. ‘Teegan, go to your room,’ she said, her eyes never leaving my face.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because I said so,’ said Mum.

  ‘You two are going to talk about sex, aren’t you? Why do I have to leave just when it’s getting interesting?’ Teegan complained.

  Mum turned and gave her the look.

  ‘All right, all right . . . I’m going,’ Teegan grumbled. She left the room reluctantly, dragging her feet. If my face was burning before, it was heating the whole house now.

  ‘Are you and Andrew . . .?’ Mum’s voice faltered momentarily. ‘Are you and Andrew sleeping together?’

  No beating about the bush, then. Just straight for the jugular. It took all my courage not to look away and study the wallpaper.

  ‘Suppose I tell you we’re not?’

  Mum didn’t answer. She looked like she didn’t know what to believe.

  ‘Anyway, what if we are? This is my life, not yours.’ Embarrassment made me spiteful. Mum turned away from me, hurt. ‘I’m sorry. I—’ I clamped my lips together. I was fighting hard not to feel guilty, but I was losing. Why was Mum making this so difficult? Now she had both of us feeling miserable. ‘OK, if you really must know, I’m not having sex with Andrew. There! Are you happy now?’ I flung at her.

  I couldn’t take any more. I darted past her out of the living room.

  ‘Jayna, wait . . .’ Mum called after me, but I didn’t stop.

  I ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Once in my bedroom, I turned and kicked the door shut behind me as hard as I could.

  Points out of ten for not having a confrontation? Zero.

  Fail, Jayna. Fail.

  2

  I THREW MYSELF down on the bed, my head throbbing. Why was nothing ever easy? As if I wasn’t nervous enough about going on holiday with Andrew. In spite of the confidence I had tried to display, this wouldn’t be like a school trip holiday with Mum – I knew that. Andrew and I would have to fend for ourselves, be responsible for ourselves. That thought simultaneously excited and terrified me.

  And then there was the other reason for going on this holiday . . . my face burned just to think of it. No wonder I’d put off telling Mum of our plans. I placed my cool hands against my cheeks, wishing, as always, that I didn’t embarrass quite so easily.

  ‘Jayna, can I come in?’ Teegan knocked at my door.

  ‘Bugger off, Teegan,’ I snapped.

  ‘Please, Jayna.’ Teegan came into my room anyway. She chewed on her bottom lip, looking uncertain.

  ‘Teegan, which part of “bugger off” did you not understand? The “bugger” or the “off”?’ I sat up, scowling at her. ‘I don’t want you in here.’

  ‘I’m not surprised.’ Teegan wrinkled up her nose as she looked around. ‘If this were my room, I wouldn’t want anyone to see it either.’

  I gave her the filthiest look I could muster. My room might not have been the most spectacular on the planet, but I certainly didn’t need my little sister to tell me that. Earlier in the year, Mum had decided it was time to redecorate our bedrooms. Mine was at the front of the house next to hers, Teegan’s was at the back, past the bathroom. I’d decided to strip off the old wallpaper, rub down the plasterwork and then repaint it. We all went to the DIY megastore together.

  Mum had disagreed with my choice from the moment she saw it. ‘You’re not really going to paint your room that colour, are you?’ she’d queried.

  ‘What’s wrong with it?’ I had immediately been on the defensive.

  ‘Isn’t it a bit . . . relentless?’

  ‘What does that mean?’ I’d frowned. ‘I think it’s quite pretty. It’s called Rich Tone Pink.’

  ‘You should get a paler shade. You won’t like that once it’s glaring at you from all four walls,’ Mum had said.

  And that, of course, had done it. I’d been determined to have Rich Tone Pink or nothing.

  But Mum had been right. Once I’d painted my bedroom, I’d hated going into it. It was like walking into a giant tub of cheap strawberry ice cream, so I’d covered as much of the wallpaper as possible with arty Van Gogh, Monet, Charlie Parker, Miles Davies, My Chemical Romance and whale posters. I’m into whales.

  My sister was now studying my posters, the carpet, my duvet cover. She looked everywhere but at me. A twinge of regret plucked at my insides. What had happened to us? Once upon a time, we’d been so close. Best friends as well as sisters. But now it wasn’t only the five-year difference in our ages that separated us – it was more like five light-years in distance.
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br />   ‘Teegan, what do you want?’

  My sister frowned down at her feet. The only sound in the room was the ticking of my alarm clock.

  ‘I . . . er . . . will you help me with my school project? I’m having trouble.’

  ‘Get Mum to help you. I’m not in the mood. Close the door on your way out.’ That wasn’t what Teegan had wanted to say, I could tell, but at that moment I didn’t particularly care. I had other things on my mind.

  Teegan finally looked at me. ‘Jayna,’ she said at last, ‘don’t you want to come on holiday with us?’

  ‘Of course I do, Teegan.’ I sighed. ‘I’d love to. But I want to go on holiday with Andrew too.’

  ‘And you want to do that more?’

  I shrugged. ‘I suppose so.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Look, I’ve been on holiday with you and Mum lots of times, but I’ve never been on holiday with Andrew. The Lake District is beautiful, but we always stay in the same hotel and do the same things, meet the same people – year in, year out, ever since before Dad died. I just want to do something different for a change, that’s all. I want to be with Andrew. Do you understand?’

  Teegan shook her head.

  Sighing, I lay down on my bed, my hands behind my head, and stared up at the ceiling. Why was life so difficult? How old would I have to be before I found an answer to that question? ‘You will when you’re older and have a boyfriend of your own,’ I told my sister.

  ‘No, I won’t. I wouldn’t want to be with some grotty boy instead of you and Mum. You’re really horrible, you are,’ she sniffed. ‘I wish you weren’t my sister.’

  ‘I often wish the same thing,’ I said, without looking at her.

  ‘You’re so rotten these days. I heard Mum tell Mrs Tout that since you started going out with Andrew you’ve been a real pain in every single part of her body!’ Teegan shouted. ‘And Mum’s right. You’re a pain in every single part of my body too.’

  ‘Mum had no business discussing me and Andrew with the neighbours.’ I sat up and glared at Teegan. ‘And I couldn’t care less what you think, you little maggot. Now get out.’

  ‘Won’t! And if going out with boys makes you this vile, then I’ll never go on a date. Never, ever. I’m sorry you ever met Andrew. I hate him.’